Post by df21 on Jun 19, 2011 22:27:23 GMT -6
Hey everyone,
First of all let me just say finding this site made my day. I am in no way an emotional person but I def cried a little reading some of the posts.
Where to begin.....so much running through my head right now. I'm sure you guys know the feeling. Let me start by saying I was homeschool k-12. My parents are both very intelligent people with masters degrees, and the quality of my "education" was never in doubt from a purely academic standpoint. I scored very well on the SATs and maintain a good gpa in college. I always thought my parents were doing me a huge favor by homeschooling me. I think it's safe to say I was "homeschooled" about as well as is possible. Socially, I was sheltered, but I had enough "normal" friends to realize that I was different in some way.
It wasn't til I went to college that my world started to collapse. If anyone has seen the matrix, I felt like Neo when he realizes his whole world was an illusion. As soon as I gained the self-awareness to realize how others perceived me, I went into a state of depression. Not only did I see what had happened to me, but I could see everything that I had missed out on. At first they seem like stupid things, but if you've ever been with a group of people your age, remembering the fads of the 90s, or things they all did, movies they all watched...everything I was never allowed to do of course. You start to realize that you are NOT part of your generation. The shared experiences and pop culture that give a generation its common identity are lost with us.
After my first two years of college, I decided to transfer and give myself a clean slate. It wasn't until recently that I realized those years were my way of making up for highschool. With that in my mind I vowed to NEVER tell anyone that I was homeschooled again. To this day, not even my closest friends at college know my history. Perhaps I had an advantage being an athlete on a good team in a division 2 school, because you take on the identity of the team. (somewhat of a bad-boy image)
In my own head, though, I always wonder what could have been. Although I wouldn't say I'm socially awkward, just the fact that I was homeschooled gives me enough of a complex that I feel different. I know naturally, I would have been a confident and more outgoing person. People often say that I'm quiet, even though I know that's not my personality. I never take social risks, and usually stay out of the spotlight, even though everything in me feels like I should have been one of those "life of the party" type people. I know my social development and interactional skills have been SEVERELY repressed due to my "education." Also, I feel like I would have had a shot to make a career out of soccer if I had grown up differently and been allowed to play for real teams.
The regret eats at me day and night, and every time my parents mention some aspect of homeschooling, my blood boils inside of me. Unfortunately, my younger siblings are still homeschooled, so I have to keep quiet or risk tearing the family apart over this matter. The few "homeschool graduates" I have approached on this subject mostly still believe in homeschooling and plan on ruining their kids lives as well. They are so deep into the lie, that every problem homeschooling causes is praised as a virtue. You don't know how to interact with the opposite sex?? good, that will keep you from having sex. You don't know anything about the culture you live in? It's all garbage anyways. You're socially awkward? Well we're supposed to be different..you wouldn't just want to follow the crowd.
I hear these things and know there is nothing I can do for these people. It wasn't until I found this forum that I realize some of us have escaped the lie. I cannot explain to you guys how much better I feel after reading every single post and writing this. Sorry if I went on a bit long. (we're homeschooled we read all day anyways. lol)
If there is anything I can do to help or become more involved please let me know! Lets hope this thing was just a fad, and our generation was the last to suffer!
Sincerely,
David
First of all let me just say finding this site made my day. I am in no way an emotional person but I def cried a little reading some of the posts.
Where to begin.....so much running through my head right now. I'm sure you guys know the feeling. Let me start by saying I was homeschool k-12. My parents are both very intelligent people with masters degrees, and the quality of my "education" was never in doubt from a purely academic standpoint. I scored very well on the SATs and maintain a good gpa in college. I always thought my parents were doing me a huge favor by homeschooling me. I think it's safe to say I was "homeschooled" about as well as is possible. Socially, I was sheltered, but I had enough "normal" friends to realize that I was different in some way.
It wasn't til I went to college that my world started to collapse. If anyone has seen the matrix, I felt like Neo when he realizes his whole world was an illusion. As soon as I gained the self-awareness to realize how others perceived me, I went into a state of depression. Not only did I see what had happened to me, but I could see everything that I had missed out on. At first they seem like stupid things, but if you've ever been with a group of people your age, remembering the fads of the 90s, or things they all did, movies they all watched...everything I was never allowed to do of course. You start to realize that you are NOT part of your generation. The shared experiences and pop culture that give a generation its common identity are lost with us.
After my first two years of college, I decided to transfer and give myself a clean slate. It wasn't until recently that I realized those years were my way of making up for highschool. With that in my mind I vowed to NEVER tell anyone that I was homeschooled again. To this day, not even my closest friends at college know my history. Perhaps I had an advantage being an athlete on a good team in a division 2 school, because you take on the identity of the team. (somewhat of a bad-boy image)
In my own head, though, I always wonder what could have been. Although I wouldn't say I'm socially awkward, just the fact that I was homeschooled gives me enough of a complex that I feel different. I know naturally, I would have been a confident and more outgoing person. People often say that I'm quiet, even though I know that's not my personality. I never take social risks, and usually stay out of the spotlight, even though everything in me feels like I should have been one of those "life of the party" type people. I know my social development and interactional skills have been SEVERELY repressed due to my "education." Also, I feel like I would have had a shot to make a career out of soccer if I had grown up differently and been allowed to play for real teams.
The regret eats at me day and night, and every time my parents mention some aspect of homeschooling, my blood boils inside of me. Unfortunately, my younger siblings are still homeschooled, so I have to keep quiet or risk tearing the family apart over this matter. The few "homeschool graduates" I have approached on this subject mostly still believe in homeschooling and plan on ruining their kids lives as well. They are so deep into the lie, that every problem homeschooling causes is praised as a virtue. You don't know how to interact with the opposite sex?? good, that will keep you from having sex. You don't know anything about the culture you live in? It's all garbage anyways. You're socially awkward? Well we're supposed to be different..you wouldn't just want to follow the crowd.
I hear these things and know there is nothing I can do for these people. It wasn't until I found this forum that I realize some of us have escaped the lie. I cannot explain to you guys how much better I feel after reading every single post and writing this. Sorry if I went on a bit long. (we're homeschooled we read all day anyways. lol)
If there is anything I can do to help or become more involved please let me know! Lets hope this thing was just a fad, and our generation was the last to suffer!
Sincerely,
David
